PollenTree

The Jump From Infertility to Adoption

Making the leap from trying and failing to get pregnant to deciding on adoption is one that requires an enormous amount of emotional honesty. Adoption is a difficult decision to make and the journey through adoption can be a long and difficult one. Some of the questions you will have to ask yourself include:

• Am I really ready to stop trying to get pregnant and move on to exploring other options?

• How will I feel about being a parent to a child who is not genetically related to me?

• How will I feel about parenting a child from a different racial or cultural background or a child with special needs?

•  What matters more to me, a child who is of similar appearance to me and my partner, or who is of a particular age or who is healthy?

• Will I always view the adoption as a second best alternative to having my own child?

• How much risk am I willing to take?

• How will I feel towards the adopted child if I unexpectedly conceive in the future?

You will need to allow yourself time to grieve for the lost hope of having your own child before you can start to really think about adoption. Allow yourself time to work through feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment. Your self-image and self-worth may have taken a beating and it is important to recognise that these are all normal emotions.

Starting the adoption process after the disappointment of infertility will require conviction, commitment and strength as there will be frustrations and disappointments along the way. For example how will you feel if you find a child you have set your heart on and then your application is rejected by the adoption agency or if you find a child to adopt overseas and then discover that the country has either changed its adoption criteria or closes its overseas adoption process suddenly and without warning. You may at times face periods where you encounter unhelpful bureaucracy or where there is a lack of information and delays.

However there are lots of positive aspects to adoption. You will find yourself seeking out others who have adopted and may become part of a community which understands the difficulties and benefits involved. You will be giving a home to a child who desperately needs one. Your feelings of loss during infertility may help you empathise with the child’s own difficult background and circumstances. The joy your adopted child brings will help ultimately heal the pain of infertility.